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In episode 32, Brooke & Faren dive into what Brene Brown calls the “vulnerability armory”. We address foreboding joy, perfectionism, & numbing, just to name a few shields. We also cover other “shields” that aren’t as frequently used as well.
“Vulnerability is the last thing I want you to see in me, but the first thing I want to see in you.”
It’s important to remember that we all fall on the scale somewhere with these vulnerability shields. If we reflect and notice trends, we can become more aware of what we’re using from the armory and how to combat it.
Foreboding Joy
This can look like constantly preparing for the worst, or in a joyous moment, you’re waiting for it to all go wrong. This is foreboding joy. The truth is, you can never be fully prepared for the worst until you’ve experienced it. Stop wasting time and start feeling the fullness of joy! Here’s how to combat the shield:
- Be grateful: journal or find a habit that will keep you in a routine of thinking about what you’re thankful for
- No more scarcity! You are enough, you are loved, you are worthy
- Find joy in ordinary moments
- Cultivate hope
- Reflect often and keep yourself in check
Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a hazardous detour. Remember that perfectionism is not the same as striving for excellence. Did you know that perfectionism is not the key to success; it’s actually correlated with depression, anxiety, and addiction. Be leery of this self-destructive shield. Here’s what you can do:
- Self kindness: extend grace to yourself
- Mindfulness: reality vs perception, neither repress nor embellish
- Appreciating flaws: we’re all human, we all make mistakes
Numbing
The way we numb our shame can look a number of ways depending on your personality (alcohol, binge watching shows, scrolling through Facebook, etc…). This takes a lot of checking in on yourself. Think about what you’re doing when you’re trying to not feel your feelings.
Remember, you can’t just numb the bad, that’s not how brains work. You’ll end up numbing other emotions too. This is where the dangerous disengagement can begin to creep into your heart and mind. Combat this by practicing the following:
- Set healthy boundaries
- Find true comfort
- Cultivate that spirit
Less frequented shelves in the armory
In the episode, we go into further detail on what these look like in life and how to combat these shields. Be sure to check out episode 32 for more details and practical action steps.
- viking of victim=two groups of people, opposite ends of the spectrum
- floodlighting=testing loyalty or seeking connection, word vomit
- smash & grab=manipulation by using someone else’s story
- serpentining= avoidance
- cynicism, criticism, cool, cruelty= used as weapons
