In episode 151, “How to Develop Soft Skills”, we discuss the importance of watching the words you use and how you speak to others. Your voice has a significant impact on those around you, so implementing the Biblical truths from this episode will help you grow tremendously. We begin our book study mini series over Dale Carnegie’s book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age” in episode 151. Learn how to develop soft skills needed to have a positive impact, lead others well, and help point others to Christ.
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Why This Old Book Matters
Why does this book stand the test of time? So glad you asked! The core foundation of this book and the advice given is Biblically based. Throughout this mini series, we’ll tie the principles back to what the Bible says. If you’ve been wondering how to develop soft skills or teach these skill sets to those you’re in charge of (kids, subordinates, athletes, etc…), this entire mini series is for you. We’ll walk you through step by step on how each point Carnegie makes ties to what God says, and how this can look practically in your life.
We know the title “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is misleading. This book is not about manipulation. Instead, its foundational principle is how to serve and love others well. Good news! We have the perfect example: Jesus Christ. His servant leadership gives us the best modeling of what our lives should look like. We want to do our best to point others back to God, and we can use this book to help us do that.
Our goal for you is to bring a true, meaningful, positive impact on the people around you. We want your community to grow closer to God, be others-centered, and help you grow through the sanctification process.
What Are Boomerangs?
A boomerang is designed to come back to its thrower. We’re going to use the term “boomerang” in a metaphorical sense throughout this mini series. Whatever you say and do, will come back around to you like a boomerang. In episode 151, we focus on watching the words you say.
In the U.S. we have an idiom, “Put your foot in your mouth.” That means a time when you say something, and it comes back to hurt you or others in some way. Learning how to develop soft skills starts with minding the words you use, how you use them, and the timing. Your words matter, every single time. To keep it simple, if you are wanting to have a positive impact on others, you must speak positively.
In this episode, we also address what to do when:
- You’re the bystander
- Didn’t like what was said
- How to circle back
- Building confidence in others to speak up
Complaining Gets You Nowhere
A very Carnegie-specific phrase is, “Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.” There is a time and place for constructive discourse (we talk about this in later episodes), so now we’re focusing on unnecessary negative speak. Time for a self audit of your words. Are you the Debbie Downer of your group? Or a vocal pessimist like Negative Nancy? If you’ve realized this is you, it’s not too late! Learn how to develop soft skills here.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is keep your mouth shut. Again, there is a time and place to have constructive discussion, but just complaining and being a squeaky wheel will get you nowhere (it may on the short term, but trust us, no one will enjoy working with you, and it certainly won’t work out for you long term).
After you’ve controlled the “blurt” factor, now take time to work on capturing your thoughts. Why are the toxic or negative thoughts entering your mind? We have an entire mini series dedicated to capturing toxic thoughts: CLICK HERE to check out our “Get Out of Your Head” mini series.
“We are destroying arguments and all arrogance raised against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.”
2 Corinthians 10:5
Free Speech and Consequences
Now that you’ve worked on watching your mouth and capturing your thoughts, now it’s time to talk about if something is still upsetting you and it needs to be said. But wait, does it need to be said? What good or bad will come from this thought being said aloud? Remember that yes, you can say whatever you want (free speech), but there are always consequences. Are you prepared to tackle those as well?
In this section of episode 151, “How to Develop Soft Skills”, we talk about social media posting, groups you’re in and what that can look like to a superior, and what to do if you’re looking to get out of those situations. Be sure to scroll up and press play to hear those tips and strategies.
PRO TIP: Heard of a “do not send” letter? It can be a game changer. Abraham Lincoln along with many others have implemented this strategy before (also counselor recommended, her episode is HERE). The quick definition of a do not send letter is: write a letter to the person you want to say something to (knowing that you probably shouldn’t be saying this). After putting it all on paper, shred it, and throw it away. This act helps you get the emotions out in a way that isn’t a detriment to anyone. Here’s our take on it:
- Use a journal (here are some great ones!)
- Write to God about what’s going on
- Begin with gratitude in the situation
- End with prayer about the situation
This gives you a chance to connect, commune, and communicate with God. He loves when you talk to Him! After you’ve completed your letter, set it aside for 24 hours. The next day, reread what you’ve written, and talk with God about it. What does God say? How are you feeling now? What steps can you take that don’t affect your witness?
“Do not speak against one another, brothers and sisters.”
James 4:11
We hope you enjoyed episode 151, “How to Develop Soft Skills” and that you have practical, actionable steps you can take. Be sure to check out this entire How to Win Friends mini series about how to have a positive impact, lead others well, and help point others to Christ. You can do this! We’re here to help. Click the affiliate image below to get your copy of Dale Carnegies’ book.
