We continue the mini series on “The Path Between Us” by Suzanne Stabile. In episode 6, “Enneagram 2s, 3s, 4s and Their Relationships”, we discuss the heart/feeling triad and how their relationships can prosper. We’ll give you practical, actionable tips and tactics to use to grow your connections.
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In this episode “Enneagram 2s, 3s, 4s and Their Relationships”, we break each number down in three parts:
- How each specific number can improve their relationships
- How others can help each specific number
- Getting specific number by number with each relationship
These episodes are packed full of information that will help you improve your relationships with each Enneagram type. Episodes 66, 67, & 68 chunk together each of the triads.
2s and Their Relationships
2s with Others: Being the helper, it’s vital to remember that you can’t pour from an empty cup. Make sure you’re addressing your needs and be sure to have reciprocity in your relationships. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness or inability; we aren’t meant to do life alone. Quick tips: vocalize your needs, exercise your healthy “no”, and know that you are worthy of being loved for who you are, not just what you do.
Others with 2s: Be sure to gently press further if you ask how a 2 is and they say “I’m fine.” Let them process their feelings out loud, listen wholeheartedly, and don’t try to fix it in that moment. Help them get to the core issue that’s bothering them.
Specifics: Now it’s time to get specific on how each number could & should interact with others. Tune into the episode to hear examples of how this looks.
- 1s & 2s: 2s are relationship focused and 1s are strategic focused. Solve problems by collaborating and covering all the bases while making the majority of the group pleased
- 2s & 2s: Since they are other-focused, make sure needs are met by each other; check in with each other.
- 3s & 2s: 2s want to be wanted, 3s want to be loved for their true self. The commonality is they don’t want to be loved because of the things they do, but who they are.
- 2s, 4s, 8s: 2s travel to 8s in stress and 4s in security. With this they can all feel feelings properly and process through their needs.
- 5s & 2s: 5s need privacy and more think time. This means 5s need to vocalize their boundaries, and 2s need to respect those boundaries.
- 6s & 2s: Let the 2 help the 6 prepare for the “what ifs” by answering the 6s questions.
- 7s & 2s: 7s may be unaware of a 2s’ needs, so make sure to express those needs. 7s be sure to dive deeper in communicating with a 2; don’t dismiss feelings.
- 9s & 2s: Neither enjoy conflict, so when conflict arises stay engaged in the conversation. 2s modeling seeing and filling needs while 9s teach the 2s how to rest.
3s and Their Relationships
3s with Others: Try to enjoy activities that aren’t work related. Quick tips: try not to always work through lunch, set goals for others, or refuse to let others in. Letting people see, know, and love the real you is a gift to give yourself.
Others with 3s: It’s okay to vocalize if you can’t keep up with a 3s energy. 3s like to be optimistic, future focused, and like positivity. Combine that with daydreaming and you’ve got a great topic during your quality time. When phrasing praise, use characteristics, not what the task they did.
Specifics: Now it’s time to get specific on how each number could & should interact with others. Tune into the episode to hear examples of how this looks.
- 1s & 3s: Both like to excel and be the best, but 1s need to remember that there is more than one right way to accomplish a task, and the 3 needs to remember that negatively cutting corners is immoral to a 1.
- 2s & 3s: Both have a drive for accomplishing tasks. 2s consider the people involved and 3s are efficient in completing the tasks, so together they make a great team.
- 3s & 3s: Use a voice of caution when dreaming big, be reasonable, rational, and think all the way through a plan before jumping into it.
- 4s & 3s: Find the middle ground in feelings, 3s aren’t inauthentic just because others see a different side of them.
- 5s & 3s: Find the balance action vs needing time to recharge. 5s limit energy spent and 3s have an abundance of energy.
- 6s & 3s: 3s can tap into the qualities of a 6 when feeling secure. Listen to the voice of reason.
- 3s, 7s, & 8s: All the energy, and quick to dismiss negative feelings. Reality checks during important tasks will be wise.
- 9s & 3s: These numbers do well together as long as there is a common value system, operating on the same team with the same goals.
4s and Their Relationships
4s with Others: You are unique! Remember that not everyone is interested in feeling melancholy or down in their feelings. Remember that there is no perfect relationship, just improvement. Constantly move in an upward trajectory and don’t stay stuck.
Others with 4s: It is okay to vocalize that you cannot handle the depth/length of time deep down in the feelings like a 4 can. Verbalize what you’re feeling, and communicate when you’re ready to press on.
Specifics: Now it’s time to get specific on how each number could & should interact with others. Tune into the episode to hear examples of how this looks.
- 1s & 4s: These numbers are connected. 4s can help the 1s dualistic thinking and help them fully face their feelings. 1s can help keep 4s pressing on and not staying stuck.
- 2s & 4s: There must be communication on each other’s needs and how those can be met. Listen fully and help where you can.
- 3s & 4s: 3s are dismissive of the negative feelings, and 4s like to sit with this. Balance each other out.
- 4s & 4s: 4s have a fear of abandonment. Express unconditional love, grace, and forgiveness on a regular basis.
- 5s & 4s: 5s require space and 4s long for intimacy. Balance is the key.
- 6s & 4s: Both of these numbers feel misunderstood. 4s sit in their feelings and 6s are active to prepare. Understand this concept for better connection.
- 7s & 4s: 7s avoid low feelings but good things can come from facing those feelings. 4s can learn to enjoy the good times and not sabotage the joy.
- 8s & 4s: Both are passionate. 8s avoid the feelings & 4s feel the feelings, so balance is required for understanding and connection.
- 9s & 4s: Make sure you communicate your expectations, but ensure what needs to get done actually gets done.
That’s a Wrap!
Thanks for checking out the show notes to episode 67 “Enneagram 2s, 3s, 4s and Their Relationships”. Join for the next few weeks to take a deeper dive into the Enneagram and how to help improve your relationships. You don’t want to miss it!
