We continue the mini series on “The Path Between Us” by Suzanne Stabile. In episode 66, “Enneagram 8s, 9s, 1s and Their Relationships”, we discuss the anger/gut triad and how their relationships can prosper. We’ll give you practical, actionable tips and tactics to use to grow your connections.
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We break each number down in three parts:
- How each specific number can improve their relationships
- How others can help each specific number
- Getting specific number by number with each relationship
These episodes are packed full of information that will help you improve your relationships with each Enneagram type. Episodes 66, 67, & 68 chunk together each other triads. We hope you enjoy the show note for “Enneagram 8s 9s 1s and Their Relationships.”
8s & Their Relationships
8s with Others: It’s important to remember that you can’t solve every problem with action and strength; it can come off as bulldozing. Othes don’t thrive off of deadlines and stress like you do. Work on genuinely valuing others’ opinions, even if you don’t agree. The art of listening is a skill set can always be improved.
Others with 8s: 8s are fiercely loyal with a fear of being betrayed (though they may never express that fear). Make sure you are straightforward and brief, presenting facts in a discussion. It’s necessary to bring your best effort and energy anytime you’re with an 8.
Specifics: Now it’s time to get specific on how each number could & should interact with others. Tune into the episode to hear examples of how this looks.
- 1s & 8s: include each other when resolving problems.
- 2s, 5s, & 8s: 2s can help 8s notice others’ feelings and 5s can help 8s slow them down and teach them how to think before doing
- 4s & 8s: both are intense and passionate in very different ways, have verbalized boundaries
- 6s & 8s: 6s think and then do while 8s do and then think. Communication will help each other process a plan more effectively
- 8s & 8s: High energy and passionate, one the same team they’ll drive each other
- 8s & 9s: 9s have the lowest energy, so create balance between work hard/rest hard
9s & Their Relationships
9s with Others: Here’s a hard truth: you can’t avoid conflict. It leads to disengagement and dismissing of your feelings. You cannot have thriving relationships if you’re constantly agreeing with the other party. Be sure to communicate when you need space and rest.
Others with 9s: It’s important to remember that for 9s, everything takes energy and some things are just not worth it. 9s like to be invited, but sometimes don’t have the energy to follow through in going. Let them process and rest as needed. Be sure to ask their opinions and value what they say when they speak up.
Specifics: Now it’s time to get specific on how each number could & should interact with others. Tune into the episode to hear examples of how this looks.
- 1s & 9s: 9s can present many great options and 1s will help get the action going.
- 2s & 9s: 2s can read others well and can use the 9s balance of not carrying the burden or jumping into solve the problem
- 3s, 6s, & 9s: 9s need the confidence of the 3s and the backup plans of a 6
- 4s & 9s: 4s experience many emotions, and that takes a lot of energy. Try finding the middle ground so the 9 doesn’t get exhausted
- 5s & 9s: 9s need to learn to reach out to the 5s without fear of conflict.
- 7s & 9s: 7s may be concerned with the 9s low energy levels, but really the 9 just doesn’t have as much energy to spend.
- 8s & 9s: 9s need to show up honest, real, and be present in the moment. 8s can learn patience from the 9s.
- 9s & 9s: Don’t get stuck in a cycle of disengagement. You will have to make choices and address conflict if you want your relationships to grow.
1s & Their Relationships
1s with Others: Learning that not everyone has a harsh inner critic and that everyone needs grace is a skill set that takes time to hone in. Extending grace to others will help you learn how to extend grace to yourself. Now’s also a great time to work on the art of forgiveness.
Others with 1s: Extending grace is what 1s need. They are already hard on themselves. Be cautious of offhanded remarks because they will get taken to heart and recalled later on. Encouragement goes a long way with 1s. They want to know they’re doing a good job and doing it right.
Specifics: Now it’s time to get specific on how each number could & should interact with others. Tune into the episode to hear examples of how this looks.
- 1s with 1s: Instant connection and appreciation for improving things. Remember there is more than one right way to accomplish tasks
- 2s with 1s: 1s are practical and 2s are relational, so when they combine to achieve tasks, they can use their strengths
- 3s & 1s: There must be a compromise with 1s learning that there is more than one right way to complete a task and 3s can help them see that
- 4s & 1s: 4s can help 1s get out of dualistic thinking and learn to turn and face their feelings. Holding multiple feelings at once is possible
- 5s & 1s: 5s need more thinking and processing time, and 1s need to let them have it.
- 6s & 1s: 6s have thought about all the ways to accomplish the task, and 1s have the “best way” already chosen. Communication and planning is key
- 7s & 1s: 7s can teach flexibility and spontaneity and 1s can teach 7s focus and structure.
- 8s & 1s: Both think dualistically and need great conflict resolution. Check out our online course that can help tremendously with this.
- 9s & 1s: Both repress anger, but it manifests itself differently. Developing a safe environment for discussion will help this relationship grow.
That’s a Wrap!
Thanks for checking out the show notes to episode 66 “Enneagram 8s, 9s, 1s and Their Relationships”. Join for the next few weeks to take a deeper dive into the Enneagram and how to help improve your relationships. You don’t want to miss it!
Links to the Show
- The Path Between Us (book affiliate link)
- The Road Back to You (book affiliate link)
- Our Mini Series on Vulnerability (episodes 28-38)
- Our Mini Series on Enneagram Basics (episodes 11-17)
- Love & Respect (book affiliate link)
- The 5 Love Languages (book affiliate link)
- Our Mini Series with Switch On Your Brain (episodes 55-62)
- The 5 Rules of Fair Fighting info
