In episode 163, “Extending Grace in Mistakes”, we discuss how to use empathy and appealing to noble motives to help others grow from errors made. We all need forgiveness and grace, and this episode helps you through those tough conversations. We begin our book study mini series over Dale Carnegie’s book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age” in episode 151. Learn how to develop soft skills needed to have a positive impact, lead others well, and help point others to Christ.
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Engage with Empathy
Empathy can be such an underrated ability. As we walk through life, we need to do our best to instill this quality in those around us. The best way to do this is lead through example. Modeling empathy, no matter how small an instance will demonstrate how healthy empathizing should take place.
Being intentional with the feelings of others, again, no matter how mall a circumstance, is the starting point to engage with empathy.
- listen intently
- repeat back information in another way
- clarify feelings throughout
- consider the emotions involved
Utilizing empathy correctly will make a positive impact when celebrating the good times along with extending grace in mistakes. Empathy is the key to deeper understanding and connection to each other. With all of this in mind, is there something that needs to be addresses? If the air needs to be cleared or a change in behavior should begin to take place, keep the discussion healthy, vulnerable, and productive. Every second spent empathizing is a second well spent.
Give Grace
Extending grace in mistakes is vital as a leader. No one is perfect, and we can all stumble at times. Let’s practice giving grace because Jesus is kind enough to do that for us. Again, the empathy piece here is crucial, especially if we’re having a hard time wrapping our heads around why someone did something the way they did it.
Having an honest conversation and not jumping to conclusions is a great place to start. yes, as a leader, initiating conflict will occur, so it’s best to do it in a way that reflects Christ’s love for us. If this is a repeat offense or mistake, perhaps the other party isn’t feeling seen or heard on the matter (or maybe they just aren’t empathizing properly). This is where you can lead humbly and with the skill set of empathy.
Taking a few minutes to hear them thoroughly can make all the difference for that person. They know they can come to you honestly, and you won’t jump down their throat. If anger is your initial knee jerk reaction, maybe it’s time to take a look within. Go back to what Jesus would do and how He would approach someone. He demonstrates extending grace in mistakes every single time.
“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.”
Ephesians 4:26
Address the Issue
Reflect on the verse above from Ephesians 4:26. Yes, anger is normal, but do not sin from it. This could mean exploding on your kids, coworkers, or spouse. It can look like payback, gossip, or retaliation. Be angry, but do not sin. Then it goes on to talk about “don’t let the sun go down on your anger”.
No, this doesn’t mean call the person at 11pm and try to have some conflict resolution. This means, do not let your anger fester. Talk about it, work it out, and press on through it. Extending grace in mistakes just as Jesus would do. We talk about conflict resolution a ton on the podcast, so make sure you scroll through the episodes and listen to the ones you feel tug at your heart strings.
Appeal to Noble Motives
When addressing someone and doing your best of extending grace in mistakes, always start with gratitude and appealing to the person’s noble motives. Think about who they are as a person; the best parts of them. Speak into these aspects at the beginning and throughout the conversation.
We all have core motivations and reasons behind why we do what we do. There are also layers to all of this. If you’re a Christian, your noble motives are that you’re always trying to reflect Christ in your daily walk. There’s the added layer of personality types, like the Enneagram. This can also bring insight to why someone is doing what they’re doing along with their strengths. A Christian 2 may have done something because they thought it would genuinely help someone, where a 5 may have seen that as invasive ( and would prefer help in a different way). Here all about the Enneagram in our mini series:
When you’re workin gon having these conversations, tell them you know their heart, goals, desires, and characteristics. Thank them for those strengths and how they play a vital role where they are. Only after that you can give corrective feedback or address an issue. Remember this is all through the umbrella of extanding grace in mistakes.
- state positive truths
- gratitude for those qualities
- provide a vision
- tell them how
- encourage them
As you close the conversation, speak life into them. Show them the evidence of how they are those qualities you previously mentioned. This will help them when they doubt themselves or doubt what you’ve said if that happens in the future. Give them this conversation in their memory to be able to point back to when they feel like they’re not good enough. We even have an entire mini series dedicated to stopping toxic thoughts (CLICK HERE). In this week’s episode, we give specifics on how this can look in different pockets of life, so be sure to scroll back up and press play.
We hope you enjoyed episode 163, “Extending Grace in Mistakes” and that you have practical, actionable steps you can take. Be sure to check out this entire How to Win Friends mini series about how to have a positive impact, lead others well, and help point others to Christ. You can do this! We’re here to help. Click the affiliate image below to get your copy of Dale Carnegies’ book.
