In episode 160, “Collaborative and Not Combative”, we talk about problem solving even when perspectives and opinions are different. Learn how to work as a team towards a common goal all while maintaining great relationships. We begin our book study mini series over Dale Carnegie’s book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age” in episode 151. Learn how to develop the soft skills needed to have a positive impact, lead others well, and help point others to Christ.
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Don’t Be Combative
In this episode, we talk about how to merit and maintain trust, especially in the workplace or in any partnerships you have. If you’re in charge of hiring, wouldn’t you want someone collaborative and not combative? We think so too! In fact, we know that we want to mirror this in our lives as well.
We read a direct quote from Carnegie’s book about a man who is so proud that he loves arguments, that even his friends stop inviting him places out of respect to him that he’s so good at arguing. See how contradictory this can be if we’re too busy winning arguments instead of combining strengths?
We know that there are some personality types who just truly enjoy debating (hello, Enneagram 8s), but we must remember that not everyone operates this way. In fact, some people loathe fighting (hello, Enneagram 9s). Put away the petty bickering, especially if all it’s doing is tearing down the people and creating a toxic environment. Your approach to conflict matters, and that’s what we dive deep on in episode 160 (just scroll up and press play).
“Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil.”
2 Timothy 2:23-24
Self reflection is vital here. Not only does this verse say to have nothing to do with foolish arguments, it also says that as Christians we should be kind to others while being able to teach. Are you able to do this consistently? We give tips below, so keep reading! Remember that relationships are vital to anyone’s success. At what cost are you willing to win the argument and damage the relationship? The focus should be on being collaborative and not combative.
Have Tough Conversations
We discuss avoiding silly arguments that intentionally ruffle feathers. So, what do we do when it’s something that needs to be handled? No one is exempt from conflict, so it’s wise to have a plan in place for when the time arises. Does your business have a clear chain of command and protocol (better get one asap if not)? If you’re looking for a clear cut process, see the verses below to get some ideas for what can work for you.
The Bible lays out a great four step process for having those tough conversations. Be sure you have prayed about it first to make sure these are the next right steps in the particular situation you’re dealing with:
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector”
Matthew 18:15-17
Being able to have though, Godly conversations is a sign of spiritual maturity and growth. In previous episodes in this mini series, we go over specifics on how to have great conflict resolution skills and what to say in conversations. In today’s episode, we go over specifics on how this looks not only in your business, but with your spouse, kids, and friends too. Any relationship worth having is also worth the maintenance. This all comes back to being collaborative and not combative. Love each other well.
Collaboration is Key
Now that you’re avoiding unproductive arguments and you’ve got conflict resolution skills, now we can talk about the best part: collaborating as a team! Remember your team can look many ways (your household, your home group, your company, etc…). What common goals are shared? How can you reach those goals more effectively as a group? There is more than one right way of doing things (hello, Enneagram 1s). This may be a challenge for you, but know as Christians, we are called to be set apart.
“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
Matthew 5:14-16
To reflect, always check in with your relationships. What potential are you missing out on because you’re combative or calling people out in the wrong way? Focus on being able to rationalize, empathize, and come to a consensus when it matters.
We hope you enjoyed episode 160, “Collaborative and Not Combative” and that you have practical, actionable steps you can take. Be sure to check out this entire How to Win Friends mini series about how to have a positive impact, lead others well, and help point others to Christ. You can do this! We’re here to help. Click the affiliate image below to get your copy of Dale Carnegies’ book.
