In episode 158, “Discuss What Matters”, we talk about having deeper conversations to find the true interests and motivations of others. Knowing this information will help you make better decisions and know when boundaries need to be set in place. We begin our book study mini series over Dale Carnegie’s book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age” in episode 151. Learn how to develop the soft skills needed to have a positive impact, lead others well, and help point others to Christ.
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Are You Aligned?
In previous episodes in this podcast mini series, we talked about how we can affect others’ in a positive way. We also need to keep in the mind the reverse of it. Those we spend significant time with will have a significant impact on us (whether we believer that or not, the research still stands). This is why it’s important to make the time to discuss what matters to both of you, and see how each of you align with core motivations, beliefs, and the foundation you want to have.
Take some time to reflect on the people you’re spending the most time with; yes, coworkers count because those hours add up. What habits, speech patterns, or behavior have you picked up on or notice others have picked up? Exercise caution as needed, especially if the habits are unproductive or not growing you. Remember in our Atomic Habits mini series, we talk about how there are no neutral exchanges. It’s either growing you, or keeping you from reaching the kind of person you want to be.
“Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals.”
1 Corinthians 15:33
This is where “guilty by association” comes into play. If you’re spending significant time with someone, know what they’re into. If you’re wondering how to do this, no worries! We cover this in episode 158, so be sure to scroll back up and press play. Ask yourself these questions:
- Are they helping me grow?
- Do they even want to grow themselves?
- Are we aligned at our beliefs/foundation?
- Do I need to limit my time with them?
- Would healthy boundaries benefit me here?
Positive Behavior Change
Now that you’ve gone through the vetting process, there are some things that circumstance doesn’t allow you to change. This doesn’t mean quit your job, but it can certainly mean distance yourself from that toxic coworker. There are also other ways you can help bring about change if there is an unavoidable situation (solid example may be you’re fuse is short with your toddler, your spouse didn’t take out the trash again, etc…).
There are relationships that need to be grown and maintained with healthy boundaries set in place (your kids, spouse, home group, etc…). We brought in an expert behavioral specialist who goes through tips and strategies on how to help behavior change come about. Remember, this is not being manipulative; you are bringing out the best potential they have.
If your’e not sure where to start, think “fruits of the spirit”. We should all strive to be more and more like Jesus. This means exhibiting these traits as well as helping develop these in other people too.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control”
Galatians 5:22-23
Helping Others
As Christians, we should always be focused on loving God and loving others. Yes, make sure you’re not spending significant, meaningful time with toxic people. Yes, exhibit the fruits of the spirit and try to grow that in others. Even if you jut focus on those basics, you’re well on your way to the growth of you and those around you.
According to the Bible, we collectively make up the body of Christ. Each person has their own giftings, passions, and talents. You are in your role for a reason and a season. If you don’t necessarily like your role, we talk about active waiting and what to do in many of our podcast mini series. We highly encourage you to check your core motivations, listen to the holy spirit, and do your best to get your mind right for the role you’re in or will be in at some point.
We hope you enjoyed episode 158, “Discuss What Matters” and that you have practical, actionable steps you can take. Be sure to check out this entire How to Win Friends mini series about how to have a positive impact, lead others well, and help point others to Christ. You can do this! We’re here to help. Click the affiliate image below to get your copy of Dale Carnegies’ book.
