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This is a Listener’s Choice episode! This means that someone has reached out to use to provide insight and support to a specific topic. This Listener’s Choice discusses grieving the loss of a loved one.
Stephanie Frentress was involved in a horrific car accident that resulted in devastating wounds to her body. Stephanie suffered two broken legs, two broken arms, and a broken back and pelvis, among other injuries.
Her body had turned into puzzle pieces for her doctors to put back together. However, her bodily wounds were not the worst of it; her mother was brutally killed in the collision. Stephanie’s life was changed forever. 16 years later, she speaks out about her story going from victim to victorious.
Compelling. Powerful. Life Altering.
What Helped Stephanie Through Her Grieving Process
Choose Forgiveness
“Hate is like drinking a poison. You hope it kills them but it kills you instead.” Stephanie’s words are so true here. She goes deeper and discusses her misguided anger and how she worked through it (the good, the bad, & the ugly). Do not miss this chance to hear what held her back and what helped move her forward.
Extend Grace
Extend grace to others AND yourself. Some people may not have the right words to say, so they try their best to provide comfort. What they say to you may be too early to hear, or you’ve heard it too many times, etc… Please know the intentions are to be loving, kind, and helpful.
Extending yourself grace can mean everything from self care to fully feeling your grief and working through it. It could look like you not beating yourself up or feeling guilty when you have a good day. Have the courage to take care of yourself and grow through tragedy. Do not do this alone.
Have Faith & A Great Support System
Having a solid support system can be make or break for so many people. Fully rely on God, even in your doubting season. Prayer changes things. Call on your village to rally around you, lift you up in prayer, and challenge you to step up your relationship with God. Give your support system the permission to help you pick up the pieces even when you don’t want to. You may be functioning on chronic survivor mode, so allow the people who love you step in to help.
Stephanie gives us practical application for the people who are grieving and for the friends of the people grieving. This episode is too good not to share with the people you love.
“And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” -Romans 8:28
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I was so deeply moved by Stephanie’s words. My worst day ever came on January 26th, 2011 and I was 22 years old, my brother was 18, and my sister was only 16 and a Junior in High School. We are all still living in “chronic survival mode” and special days come hard. I intentionally avoided having a wedding because my mother would not be there. Still, 8 years later, I think of her and wallow in my own self-pity on occasion, but I pick my self up, wipe the tears away, roll up my sleeves and get to work. For me, the hardest part, the part that makes me feel the MOST guilt, is feeling like I’m starting to forget her: the way she looked, the sound of her voice, the way she danced, the way she spoke to our 4 dogs and a cat (LOL). I feel so blessed that I met my husband, Ben, through my mother who was great friends with my now mother-in-law. It’s as if God knew one and a half years prior to her death, how much I would need him to save me from my grief.
Thank you so much for sharing this story!
Beatriz,
Thank you for your reply! I’m Stephanie’s oldest sister. I understand what you mean about feeling like you are starting to forget things about your mom. As time passed after the accident that took our mom, I too felt like she was going to disappear from my memory the way she had from my physical world. I can tell you though that my recollections of her have actually become more indelibly etched in my memory as time has gone on. I think it’s because we have never stopped talking about her, or our memories. It’s so very important to share the thoughts and memories you have of her with family and friends, and even keep a journal. I thought I would forget her voice, but I can still hear her as plain as day. I hear her in my thoughts, and I’ve also heard her in dreams. Even after 16 years, it’s as if I spoke with her yesterday.
I’m so sorry you lost your mom! It’s such a difficult road to walk. I went through a really tough time for many years after, suffering from depression and anxiety, almost like PTSD. I was even hospitalized for a time. I was 33 years old when my mom died, and I had young children of my own, and it still turned me upside down! But God has rescued me from the pit! I encourage you to lean on Him and His word!! It’s the most important thing you can do. Let Jesus be your strong tower. Lean on Him when you feel weak. You will make it! Your mom will always be part of you. Blessings and love, Lisa