In episode 161, “Be Nice and Say You’re Sorry”, we discuss how to apologize humbly, and begin interactions in a friendly way. Learn how to approach hot topics in a way that won’t burn your relationships. We begin our book study mini series over Dale Carnegie’s book, “How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age” in episode 151. Learn how to develop soft skills needed to have a positive impact, lead others well, and help point others to Christ.
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Admit Faults Quickly
Did your mama ever say that you need to be nice and say you’re sorry? Show of hands if you were raised Southern! We know that can be harder than it sounds. We kick off this episode with the important of admitting faults quickly. Yes, this can sting your pride (got get some ice for that), but it’s vital when you’re in a leadership role. HINT: You are in a leadership role! No matter how big or small it may feel, someone is learning from how you’re modeling. You are influencing them whether y’all know it or not.
We know as Christians we’re to walk humbly, and part of that includes admitting when we’ve come up short. Apologies matter, even if you think it’s unmerited. Did you know that even your type of apology can have a profound impact? Check out this Apologies Quiz that will give you the 5 types of apologies. Yes, it’s from the same author of the 5 Love Languages. Apologies aren’t signs of weakness; they’re signs of leaders. So be nice and say you’re sorry!
No Festering
We’ve all been in that cringeworthy situation where it’s been too long and you’re in an apology stalemate. Fun fact: zero people win in a stalemate. Plus, aren’t you trying to have a positive impact on others? Is your pride getting in the way of that? Eek! In this podcast episode, we talk about how to navigate these conversations, even when it’s awkward. So be sure to scroll back up and press play on the “Be Nice and Say You’re Sorry” episode!
When we sit on an apology or waste time waiting for an apology, it begins to fester like mold. We talk about how the Israelites had so many rules on what to do with something like mold, and how that comes into play today in our hearts. We need to be in a constant state of extending grace and forgiveness to each other. Remain humble, and keep your focus on pointing back to Christ.
We cover several examples from the book and from our lives where this comes into play. If you’re looking for examples that have worked for us and others, this episode is for you! We encourage you to admit faults quickly as you err, and also giving grace to others when you are wronged. We know it’s easier said than done, but this deliberate practice is God honoring.
Nice Matters
One of the principles of Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is to begin in a friendly way. This means the first encounter is crucial and needs to be positive. Does this always happen? No, we’re human and don’t get it right every time, but it’s important that we try. Many arguments stem from misunderstandings, and if we can simply begin with a friendly exchange, interactions during conflict are much smoother.
In this episode, Brooke walks through a recent example of applying this method, and how being nice is a game changer. Yes, there are times when the phrase “you can’t rationalize with irrational” comes into play, but it’s vital that you do your best to put your friendly smile on, and approach in a positive, friendly way.
We go over deescalation tactics in this part of the episode too, so be sure to scroll back up and press play. Remember that nice begets nice almost always. Use positive body language, and even begin with asking a question or two. Focus on empathizing, walk alongside them to find a solution, and remain as friendly as you can (yes, there are extenuating circumstances, we’re just talking about regular interactions and conflict).
At What Cost?
If you’re still having a hard time with admitting faults or beginning in a friendly way, just think about the big picture. Any relationship with having is worth the work. At what cost are you risking damaging your relationships on account of your pride? We know this can be a hard truth that takes some serious work in the spirit, but it’s worth the effort.
If you find yourself in a consistent state of needing to apologize or forgive with specific people, let’s take a moment to reflect. Can you look inside and find a common denominator. Does this boil down to an anger issue, pride issue, grudge issue, etc… Dig deep and treat the source, not just treat the symptoms by slapping on an “I’m sorry” without behavior change. Again, this takes serious work to do, but think about the cost of not doing the work. Plus, we want to instill this into our kids, so modeling will be key.
Our overarching theme of this mini series is being able to point back to God by how you interact with people on a consistent basis. What are you doing with your daily actions to exhibit the fruits of the spirit? How are you leveraging circumstances to point back tot he goodness of God? Keep finding God in every moment.
We hope you enjoyed episode 161, “Be Nice and Say You’re Sorry” and that you have practical, actionable steps you can take. Be sure to check out this entire How to Win Friends mini series about how to have a positive impact, lead others well, and help point others to Christ. You can do this! We’re here to help. Click the affiliate image below to get your copy of Dale Carnegies’ book.
