In episode 149, “How to Be Intentional with Your Spouse”, Brooke interviews her husband, Morgan, about how intentionality can look in marriage. Hear some tips along the way that have helped this marriage grow. We begin our book study mini series over Gary Chapman’s, The 5 Love Languages in episode 141. Learn how to strengthen all of your relationships (not just with your significant other) with the secret to love that lasts.
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Choosing Love
We will say it forever: love is a choice. You must have to actively choose it if you want your marriage to last. It’s easier said than done, so we always want to model it off of God’s love. There are many verses on love, but one in particular helps us remember the sacrifice Jesus made for us.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Ephesians 5:25
This verse is right next to wives submitting to husbands, so we don’t want to skip over that, but the focus is on dying to self as Christ died for us. We love our spouse so much that we are able to put their desires over ours (obviously in a healthy marriage context).
Choosing to love someone well means you must be intentional to do so. If you’ve been wondering how to be intentional with your spouse, start with thinking about your motivations behind your actions. How are you choosing to show love? Why are you choosing that method? Morgan gives a few examples of what this looks like inside our marriage in episode 149, so be sure to scroll up and press play.
Be Intentional
Along with thinking about your motivations in choosing love, learning how to be intentional with your spouse means putting in the effort. One does not simply become a love expert, all knowing in how they spouse feels and what they enjoy. This takes hard work and deliberate practice.
Fun Fact: Everyone is “busy”. Calendars get filled, there are a million sports practices, and too many meetings. The point of being intentional is that you still make the time to show each other love. This can come with adjusting for specific life phases (newborn, moving, new job, medical crisis, etc…). Bottom line, make your intentional time and love with each other a priority.
Morgan brings up a great point about schedules and the hustle of life. There may be times when you go a couple of days without the specific love language you need due to circumstance. This is why communication is vital in these moments. Talk about the expectations, control what you can control, and give grace to each other when you fall short. Hear more on how he describes this in episode 149.
Pay Attention
We choose to love, we actively become intentional, but now we need to make it personal. Many people life quality time, but how does that look for you and your spouse? Think about who they are, and what they enjoy. Here are some ways you can figure this out:
- What are they doing in their free time?
- Do they talk about something more frequently?
- Notice what they like to wear, eat, watch, read
- Find patterns in moods, rhythms, events, etc…
If they’re acts of service, is there something you can take off their plate that’s typically in their lane? If words of affirmation is important, what is something you noticed that you can compliment them on? Physical touch? Try out some fun play tactics (episodes 148 & 149 give examples). If it’s gifts they like, go check out their Amazon cart. If quality time is important, learn how that looks for them. Pay attention, and take notes if you need to. More importantly, talk to them! No one’s a mind reader.
We hope you enjoyed episode 149, “How to Be Intentional with Your Spouse” and that you have practical, actionable steps you can take. Be sure to check out this entire 5 Love Languages mini series about how to strengthen all of your relationships (not just your significant other) with the keys to love that lasts. You can do this! We’re here to help. Click the affiliate image below to get your copy of Gary Chapman’s book.
Links From the Show
5 Love Languages Resources
- The 5 Love Languages (book)
- The 5 Love Languages of Children (book)
- The 5 Love Languages: Singles Edition (book)
- The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers (book)
- The 5 Love Languages for Men (book)
- The 5 Love Languages of Military (book)
- The 5 Appreciation Languages of the Workplace (book)
- The 5 Love Languages, Small Group book study
- A Teen’s Guide to The 5 Love Languages
