In episode 147, “Love is a Choice”, we talk about how to choose to love, even if it’s a difficult or challenging person. We also answer frequently asked questions about love languages. We begin our book study mini series over Gary Chapman’s, The 5 Love Languages in episode 141. Learn how to strengthen all of your relationships (not just with your significant other) with the secret to love that lasts.
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How to Find Your Love Language
Just like in our Enneagram mini series (Enneagram 101 & Enneagram 201), learning personality typing systems takes time and effort. When applied appropriately, these systems will enhance and grow your relationships as well as grow yourself. It’s worth the work, research, and reflection. We do hear this question a lot whether it’s Enneagram or Love Language related: How do I know what my Love Language is?
It’s normal to be unsure with what your love language is, which is why we’ve created this mini series. We’re here to guide and equip you on discovering your love language along with the love languages of those around you. Head back to this page to see the whole mini series. In the meantime, ask yourself (or the person you’re trying to learn) these questions. They’re phrased towards a husband/wife relationship, so tweak as needed:
- What makes you feel most loved by your spouse?
- When requesting of my spouse, what do I frequently ask?
- What are the motivations behind what I’m asking or needing?
- When you’re frustrated or upset with them, what are you most upset about?
- What are the go-to points of nagging, or other habits they have?
If you can boil these answers down into the simplest forms, they’ll fall into a category or two. Keep a journal or a note in your phone going as you ask and think on these questions. You’ll be able to reflect back on your list and get a few steps closer to discovering your dominant love language.
Still stuck? You can also try the methods of process of elimination and would you rather. The 5 Love Languages book is such a great resource and comes with its own quiz in the back to help you get started. Be sure to grab your copy here so you can dive deeper into this.
Love is a Choice
We’ll say it time and time again. Love is a verb, and we must choose to act lovingly no matter what. It is so easy to get caught up in emotions, but bring your focus back to God’s love. God love us no matter what. We can be horrible humans sometimes, and God still unconditionally loves us, forgives us, and extends grace to us. Wow. What if we loved others even a fraction of how God loves us? Imagine what life would be like if you and your spouse chose to love each other unconditionally no matter what. You can do it through God’s help.
Because we’re on this side of heaven, we know our relationships will face hard times. What we are doing now to grow closer to one another and love well is helping set us up for success for when the trials do come. The more we can be proactive with our relationships, the wiser we will handle the valleys. Love is an action word, and we can see that in action when we look at Jesus’ life. Our goal is to become more Christlike every day, and learning to love others well will help sanctify us.
“In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”
Matthew 7:12
With all of our personality typing systems episodes, we always bring up this verse. The golden rule that so many of up agree upon. There is a kicker: the over arching theme of the golden rule is to love others well like Jesus does. So treating everyone with love and respect will mend hearts and build bridges.
This all comes with communication. We have to be cognizant of how we are choosing to fill up each other’s love tanks. It takes effort and maybe even being out of your comfort zone to ensure our love ones are, in fact, feeling loved. You can think on these questions to help:
- How am I showing them love?
- What are some specific ways I can show love today?
- Ask: “Would you rather me (give two options)?”, and they can choose
- How can I love them in their love language this week?
Loving the Unlovely
This is a hot topic when it comes to not-so-nice people. This can be a nagging wife, busy husband, rude coworker, tyrant boss, or your teenager. The common humanity experience is that we all have our days and moments where it is hard to be lovable. INSERT GOD’S LOVE HERE. Again, if God is willing to forgive, extend grace, and unconditionally love you, shouldn’t we be trying to do the same for others?
PRO TIP: Have healthy boundaries! We are called to love one another, but we should also set boundaries as needed (safety, mental health, etc…). Throughout this series we talk about conducting experiments and seeing how the progress plays out. Give your wholehearted effort for six months and see where it takes you and your relationships. We go into details on how this experiment can look in the episode, so be sure to scroll back up and press play.
Every human is innately engrained with these emotional needs: security, self worth, and significance. Love is the way to get there and fulfill each of these needs. God is the ultimate provider of these needs, and He demonstrates this through us love. We are called to mimic this and live it out daily as best we can.
“In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”
Matthew 5:44
PRO TIP: Don’t stay stuck or stagnant in your relationship. We do NOT mean exit the relationship, we mean work on it, and work hard. If you’re having a difficult time loving someone well, check your heart, and choose to press on. Pray that God supplies the emotions to match your loving actions.
We hope you enjoyed episode 147, “Love is a Choice” and that you have practical, actionable steps you can take. Be sure to check out this entire 5 Love Languages mini series about how to strengthen all of your relationships (not just your significant other) with the keys to love that lasts. You can do this! We’re here to help. Click the affiliate image below to get your copy of Gary Chapman’s book.
Links From the Show
- The 5 Love Languages (book)
- The 5 Love Languages Mini Series
- 21 Kicks Journals
- Atomic Habits Mini Series
5 Love Languages Resources
- The 5 Love Languages (book)
- The 5 Love Languages of Children (book)
- The 5 Love Languages: Singles Edition (book)
- The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers (book)
- The 5 Love Languages for Men (book)
- The 5 Love Languages of Military (book)
- The 5 Appreciation Languages of the Workplace (book)
- The 5 Love Languages, Small Group book study
- A Teen’s Guide to The 5 Love Languages
