In episode 142, “How to Use Words of Affirmation”, we talk about what using encouraging words looks like, and how that can strengthen your relationships. We begin our book study mini series over Gary Chapman’s, The 5 Love Languages in episode 141. Learn how to strengthen all of your relationships (not just with your significant other) with the secret to love that lasts.
CLICK PLAY TO LISTEN
Love Language: Words of Affirmation
If you are learning how to use words of affirmation, look deeper within. This isn’t just a compliment, although those are nice; it is attached to character traits. When we speak positively about who the person is rather than the positive things they’ve done, the love runs deeper. Can you hear the difference between the following sentences? “You worked hard on that project.” vs “You are a hardworking person, and we can see that through this project.” Which phrase would you rather hear?
Words of affirmation can look many ways, so be sure to use what works best for the phase of life you’re in. If you’ve got a newborn at home, can you leave a sweet note where the diaper changing station is? If you’re in a busy season, text messaging used well can go a long way. Get creative and have fun with it.
What Words of Affirmation is NOT
In episode 142, we also discuss what words of affirmation is not. Never use words of affirmation as a way to trick or manipulate a person. That is not what love is or how it expresses itself. So stay clear of phrases like, “You’re just so great at taking out the trash, so that’s why I always let you do it.” Pro tip: before you intentionally use words of affirmation, know your why behind that action.
“…and let’s consider how to encourage one another in love and good deeds, not abandoning our own meeting together, as is the habit of some people, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.”
Hebrews 10:24-25
Your words of affirmation can look like inspiration, encouragement, of simply speaking life into someone. Practice empathy and do your best to see the circumstance from their point of view. If you want to get better at how to use words of affirmation, know what the other person desires and has interest in. This can go a long way, especially if you are growing this skill.
Kind Words Matter
We are called to speak life into each other, and build each other up in who God says we are. When thinking about how to use words of affirmation, remember that your tone matters, what you say matters, and the words you use matters. The timing and delivery matters. This doesn’t mean you have to deep dive research and come up with the perfect way to say what you’re wanting to say. Just be mindful of how you’re choosing to deliver your words.
Pro tip to always remember: Love is an action. Love makes requests and not demands. You want to love someone because you want to, not because you have to. In the episode, we give a few tips on how to positively phrase statements and turn away anger, so be sure to scroll up and press play.
If you are in a rough season with the person you love, respond to anger in a calm way using mature love. Just because the other party responds with a negative tone, your job is to reflect Christ and respond with a kind tone. More often than not, people will adapt to the environment around them, which means you stand firm in your loving kindness that reflects the love of Jesus.
A gentle answer turns away wrath,
Proverbs 15:1
But a harsh word stirs up anger.
Ideas for Words of Affirmation
Still drawing a blank on how to use words of affirmation? No worries, we’ve gotyour back, and you are not alone in this. Utilizing encouraging words takes deliberate practice, and the payoff will be the increased skill set (learn more about deliberate practice and increasing any skill here). The key is to remember that God designed us to have an innate human need of feeling loved and appreciated. Your first steps may even start out as just being outwardly grateful of something that person has done for you. Take one small step, and then you’ll be heading in the right direction.
The more specific you can be with your words of affirmation, the better. If you give vague compliments, you will get vague responses. If you’re still drawing a blank on ideas, here are some places you can find ideas:
- Journal words of affirmation as you hear it around you
- Read cards at the grocery store to hear what words of affirmation can sound like
- Speak highly of that person in public
- Keep a list of what that person does well
- Ask others close to them about what they love about that person
No judgement here. You may be in such a valley in your relationship that you cannot think of any positive thing to say. The ideas above will help get your mind moving in the right direction. We would also encourage you to pray for that person along with praying for your heart in the matter.
Fun Challenge: set a goal to give your spouse a different compliment each day. Wow! It’s called a challenge for a reason. This will require effort, discipline, and planning. Look for their strengths and be specific. Do what works for you in this phase of life. That could be chatting on the phone, texting silly gifs, leaving notes, etc…The goal is to build a habit with it (learn more about building habits here).
We hope you enjoyed episode 142, “How to Use Words of Affirmation” and that you have practical, actionable steps you can take. Be sure to check out this entire 5 Love Languages mini series about how to strengthen all of your relationships (not just your significant other) with the keys to love that lasts. You can do this! We’re here to help. Click the affiliate image below to get your copy of Gary Chapman’s book.
Links From the Show
- The 5 Love Languages (book)
- The 5 Love Languages Mini Series
- 21 Kicks Journals
- Rich & Aimee’s Interview, episode 61
- Power of the Praying Wife (book)
- Power of the Praying Husband (book)
5 Love Languages Resources
- The 5 Love Languages (book)
- The 5 Love Languages of Children (book)
- The 5 Love Languages: Singles Edition (book)
- The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers (book)
- The 5 Love Languages for Men (book)
- The 5 Love Languages of Military (book)
- The 5 Appreciation Languages of the Workplace (book)
- The 5 Love Languages, Small Group book study
- A Teen’s Guide to The 5 Love Languages
