In episode 116, “Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone”, we discuss practical tips on how to stop trying to please everyone all the time. Training yourself and others to practice a healthy “no” will help you become more mentally tough. We continue our book study mini series over Amy Morin’s 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do. Learn how to take back your power, embrace change, face your fears, and train your brain for happiness and success.
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The Negatives to People Pleasing
If we get to our core motivation on why we want to please people, we would all have a different answer. This explains why different Enneagram numbers may have different reasons for why they do what they do. There may be an underlying fear of rejection, or the dislike of being in uncomfortable situations. People pleasing may even stem from a learned behavior.
There are many pitfalls to trying to make everyone happy. Keep in mind that when you obligate yourself to saying yes to something, it means you’re saying no to something that you may care more about. We can even get caught up in pleasing someone for the wrong reasons. It’s quite possible to get burnt out from the constant state of hustle which can affect our home lives, reaching our goals, along with affecting our stress levels. Constantly people pleasing wastes time, you can be manipulated, and it’s just not a sustainable way of life. We go into more detail in the episode, so be sure to scroll up to listen.
How to Combat Toxic People Pleasing
Don’t worry about pleasing everyone. You are not responsible for someone else’s happiness. Make sure you’re always circling back to find your core motivation for wanting to constantly people please. In this episode, we talk about having brave conversations (even with your boss!). Episode 116 gives you the chance to soak in wisdom on how to do this. Here are a few other factors to keep in mind:
- Consistently check your motivations
- Have brave conversations
- Set and maintain healthy boundaries
- Remember you are not responsible for managing the emotions of others
- Be confident without being disrespectful
When it comes to practicing a healthy “no”, remember what your values are. If you value your family over a promotion at work, make sure you act accordingly. A simple exercise can be write down and rank your priorities. Then ask yourself, “Do my actions align with my values and goals?”
More Tips
If you’re still new to practicing a healthy “no” try some of these phrases to say before you say yes to someone else:
- “Let me talk to my spouse”
- “I need to check my calendar first”
- “Let me check my workload”
It may be uncomfortable at first, but it’s better to experience discomfort on the front end than have regrets on the back end. You have the power to control what you can control. You can set healthy boundaries, but you cannot control someone else’s response to that. When you can break free from constantly people pleasing, you’ll experience a rise in confidence, more time and energy to devote to your goals, less stress, better relationships, and increased will power. That’s a lot of perks!
We hope you enjoyed “Don’t Worry About Pleasing Everyone”, and that you have practical, actionable steps you can take. Be sure to check out this entire 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do mini series (13 Things mini series) about a simple & proven way to become more mentally tough. You can do this! We’re here to help. Click the affiliate image below to get your copy of Amy Morin’s book.
Links From the Show
- Witty & Gritty Patreon
- Book: 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do (affiliate)
- 21 Kicks Journals
- Episode 60: Love & Logic
- Love & Logic book (affiliate)
